I really want to like this show. But it's making it so. Damn. Hard.

First of all, the female characters suck. All of them. They're ugly, stupid, hateful people. Not an Old Joey, an Old Willow or even a Brenda to be found in the bunch.

Marissa is by no means unattractive, but the fact that she's obviously supposed to be the "hot" one means I can hold her to a higher standard. She's not passing muster.

Summer is a troll. And again, are we to believe that she's one of the "hot" girls? 'Cause, no.

MarissaMom? Lisa Rinna called. She wants her Melrose Place makeup look back. Also, she wants you to know that your pendant looked like a birth control pill dial dispenser thingie.

RyanMom? Could not have been more stereotypically white trash. The cheap denim. The thick eye shadow. And, of course, the most predictable character trajectory in all of TeenDramaDom: Addict Parent who swears they've cleaned up and regains Cynical Kid's trust. AP doesn't just fall off the wagon quietly. No, no, she or he manages to make a spectacularly pathetic scene in front of all the people CK has to socialize with. My prediction? In May sweeps, she'll show up to reclaim Ryan, and Seth will probably be the first to point to this event in the big "Hell No! He Won't Go!" war/season-ending cliffhanger.

The only woman on the show who's even remotely likable to me is Kirsten, but I would've liked her a lot more if she'd realized that she needed to get Ryan out of juvy sometime before he took a spork in the neck! Jebus. Of course, it should be noted that his injury magically disappeared almost as soon as he left the detention center. Continuity error or superfast healing due to the magic air of the O.C.? You decide.

So, the women suck. As for the boys...good lord, that Ryan's cute. I've been trying to fight it, but after tonight I'm crying uncle. He's many many kinds of hot. Memo to FOX: There wasn't enough near-nakedness tonight. More of that, please. And soon.

I don't watch Gilmore Girls, so I didn't show up for this whole thing with pre-formed Seth love. After three eps, I still think he's weird, but his blatant crush on Ryan is making him more and more appealing to me. Eventually, one of their topless video game playing sessions will lead to wrestling, and then kissing. I feel it.

Luke is some kind of mutant alien creature. I don't get the hotness one iota. Just...ick.

I'm not even touching on the adult men. I've hated Tate's smug-lookin' ass since his Friends stint. Come to think of it, I may have hated him since SpaceCamp. And I can't form any objective opinion on Eyebrow Man after seeing him in American Beauty. Hee. Fuck me, Your Majesty! Ew.

So I'm trying to watch and enjoy. And I will keep trying. I just know that when they inevitably put Ryan and Marissa together, I'll be forced to write Ryan/Seth fic to counterbalance it and I will never get my life back. Sigh.