Hi, I'm Earnest Girl. Perhaps if I introduced myself as Earnest Canadian Grammar Asslicker, my nom de internet would become apparent to many of you. For I am so very, very earnest.

I am also a writer. At least, in my own mind I am. I like to fill my blog with interestingly long retrospectives about children, the smell of schoolbooks, and talking about how I spent my day. Every day. Every muthafuckin' muthafuckin' day. I also like to give all of my friends who I talk about in my journal very interesting and cute names that I never explain. (You're one to talk, Neo.)

[Hey, fuck you, I'm doing this for legal reasons, Neo!]
(Well now you're just talking to yourself, you schizo bitch. Get back to bor- er, enteraining me with tales of Earnest Girl!)
[Fine, but you can still eat me, bitch.]
(I think we both know that's not possible, whore!)

Anyway, usually, I write in this very haughty tone that can only be described as pseudointellectual and...

(Hey, she seems like a really smart girl, it's just)
[Yes, Neo?]
(Umm...well...Neo.)
[Yeah, yeah. She's smart, but you wouldn't want to hang with her in real life because she'd always be showing you just how smart she is all of the time.]
(Exactly, and we can't exactly have someone like that competing for our own SmartFaceTime, right?)
[Exactly. We're pretty good at making things all about us.]
(I wouldn't have it any other way!)
[I thought you'd say that.]

"Ahem," she said. Earnestly.

([Sorry, Earnest Girl. Do go on and bore us so.])

Like I was saying, I'm Earnest. I really don't have much else to say, but I'd greatly like to take up a full page doing it. With my thesaurus in hand, of course.

Perhaps next time, if you'd be so kind as to join me, I'll write a lengthy post about how I want to settle down and talk about commas for the rest of my life.

(Why do you read this type of shit, Neo?)
[Neo, I have no idea. I've got nothing better than the "It's 2am and there's nothing on the Internet" defense.]
(I buy that.)
[I expected you might.]