Oy.

Oy doesn’t even begin to cover it, but it’s the best I can do right now. I know it’s a tired refrain from me, but ‘Net fans are freaks. Especially when it comes to uniting within a fandom.

The fandom I’m talking about for today at least, is Harry Potter. You know Harry Potter, right? Sweet and interesting books written for children and teens that have been totally co-opted by adults. (I’ve noticed a little bit of a backlash from kids about this, because everyone knows that something isn’t cool once the adults catch on. I’m still waiting for this sociological trend to take over with the ridiculous Juicy sweatpants. Ugh. Hear me, people? Stop wearing this shit. NOW.)

Back to the issue at hand.

The adults have taken over the HP world. I’ll admit, I like the books and the movies. I also like defending them to Bible thumpers, but that’s a for another day. I’ll start with the lesser of two offenses:

Anti-Emma is a group of people who hate the 13-year-old girl who portrays Hermione Granger in the movies. They call her snobbish, make fun of her clothes (hey, I’ve yet to see her in those stupid Juicy pants, so she’s okay by me), and make anti-fanart of her pictures.

Now, if these people were all 13-year-old girls themselves, it wouldn’t be a big deal. I’m sure I hated Alyssa Milano for a few months back in the day. No wait, that was Nicole Eggert. Bitch stole my Corey. *ahem*

But they aren’t 13. These people are of all ages, and some of them are male as well. I have no problem if you want to hate, say, Avril Lavigne, because she is a truly vile girl, and is almost at the age of consent (to be hated). Plus, she has a history of publicly being a little ungrateful bitch. Whereas Emma Watson just seems to be a sweet, young girl who was just fortunate enough to be in the cultural juggernaut.

Have I lubed you up, talking about a sweet, young underage girl? No?

Good. Then perhaps you aren’t a complete freak, like the people who participate in the Harry Potter fan fiction community A Family Affair.

You see, not only do the members of this community write NC-17 (although there is some PG as well, but what the fuck?) fan fiction about the Harry Potterverse, but they write only about sex between the Weasley siblings!

Did you catch that? Do you need to scroll up and read it again?

They have all sorts of pairings, some brother-on-brother sex, and others that are even more disturbing, of the older brothers (who would be in their mid-to-late 20s by certain points of the books) having sex with their much younger sister (who was about 15 as of the most recent book).

Let me just catch my breath here: Harry Potter. Incest. Children’s books. Children. Children. Children.

Okay, then.

What the fuck is wrong with people? Who reads children’s books and thinks, “I bet these two/three brothers who aren’t even fully fleshed out (yes, I’m 12) in the books are having sex with each other!”

Who looks at any family, other than maybe the Mansons or the Bradys, and thinks that people in the family are fucking? And don’t even give me the whole, “Hey, incest is a real thing! It really does happen!” argument. Just cut the shit, okay? It’s not hot, it’s not sexy, it’s just fucking wrong. I don’t care if old-ass Aristotle fucked his little 14-year-old servant boys. I don’t want to read about it outside of a historical context.

There’s also a hubbub in this same group because a couple of brainchildren went up to the boys who play the twins in the movies (and who are, of course, actual twin brothers), and told them all about “twincest” stories on the ‘Net. To their credit, they laughed it off, but still. Ew. Ick. Inappropriate!

I can’t go on.