Tonight! Bachelor Bob, Episode Four: The Night the Bitches Lost Their Shit!

Oh, Bob. Bobbobbob. Baby did a bad, bad thing tonight. He gave a PityRose. And it's going to bite him in the ass!

Bob had to cut the lovelies down from ten to six tonight, and the ladies totally lost their shit. Especially LeeAnn. LeeAnn, for non-watchers, looks exactly like a dark-haired version of Annoying Mormon Julie from The Real World. I mean, exactly. She is also just as bat-shit kerrazy as Julie ever was. As crazy as she guano be! (Oh, shut up, you'll think it's funny tomorrow.)

Homegirl broke down. Hardcore. In front of Bob. Not only was it in front of Bob, but she made it seem like her anger and later, sadness, was all his fault. Because she doesn't like having to date him with nine other women! She shouldn't have to share! This isn't what she signed on for! (Um, bitch, read that six-page contract ABC made you sign. This is exactly what you signed up for.)

She also informed him that he's not thinking about how this must feel for her. (And um, the others, I'm sure. She's a caring nurturer, this one.) Meanwhile, I was waiting patiently (okay, not really. I do enjoy yelling at the TV.) for him to remind her stupid ass that he has already been on this show before, on that side of the choosing and losing. And he was cut!

She made him promise that if she wasn't going to win, and if she wasn't going to be his wife, that he should cut her. An open out away from this freakshow if ever he was going to get one. But no.

Bob was nice. Bob was considerate.

Bob was ridiculously stupid, and kept her ass. And of course, she beamed into the camera that she knows now that Bob will keep her forever and ever and will stroke her hair and wipe away her tears when her precious puppy Cuddles dies and...of course she didn't say all that, but she had that look.

She also has other offenses, of course. She declared that he hadn't mentioned how she looked that night. She also said she won't be there to make friends, but backs it up with a syrupy sweet bitch smile that only true southern women can achieve.

The girl is pure evil. But that's okay, because she's totally getting cut next week.

My favorite moment of the night goes to BadHairCutBlondeWoman. I can't be bothered to sort out what her name is. Not when all of their names are some form of Kirsten-Christy-Kira-Kelly-Kayla-Kirstie-Karin. When BadHairCut got cut, she hugged Bob and bolted without saying a word to him, even as he was mid-sentence to her. ROCK! What an awesome fuck you.

Sadly, she ruined it for me, because she was really only bolting out the door so she could break down, sobbing, not understanding why she was cut. (Hmm...the fact that she was only 24 may have been a big part of it! Or maybe it was her bad roots, what do I know?)

Bob's left my two favorites (favorites? I guess that's a good word to call the two I hate the least, so whatever), Estella and Meredith. My money's on Estella. She seems to be the only normal human being there. Of course, that only means one thing: next week we'll find out she's really a man or something.

Next week he also has to cut two more. If they aren't Kelly Jo (pleeeeeeease!) and LeeAnn (your tears will only get you so far, biotch!), then I'll eat my hat.

My yummy little teardrop-shaped, chocolate hat. Mmm. Happy Halloween!