Is there a type of fame more onerous than that of the fame-whoring socialite?

Ah, Paris Hilton, this is for you!

It seems I can’t turn on the TV or check my favorite gossip sites (or even my favorite news sites) without coming across a link to Paris Hilton flashing her scrawny ass somewhere.

Blessed with money, fame, privilege, lack of parental supervision, anorexia, alcoholism, and, according to a press release from her parents, a lovely disposition, Paris Hilton is the quintessential fame whore.

Be careful what you wish for, Paris; a girl like you is likely to get it.

I want to feel bad for this E! True Hollywood Story, what with her TV debut being pushed back, pictures of her vag showing up in tabloids, and a three-minute clip of her skinny drunk ass fucking and sucking Shannen Doherty’s husband making the rounds — and getting reviews at such sites as Salon — but I just can’t.

I can’t because she’s a consummate fame whore who likes to pretend she’s a victim of the media (Bennifer? I’m looking at you, too!) and her position as a poor little rich girl. Her post-sex romp press release claims that she’s incapacitated in the video, that clearly she’s the victim in all this! I downloaded it and, oddly, she seems quite camera-friendly, even saying “Hi” while looking at the camera. Her only misstep was letting that cheeseball keep a copy of it. Or was it?

While slightly less horrifying but still as annoying, there’s a picture of Paris exiting her car in a micro-mini. Oh, those evil paparazzi took pictures of her vag as she was getting out of her car. Sure, she was wearing a micro-mini without so much as a thong, but it’s not her fault they snapped a picture of her cat! Oh, no, I mean, it’s not like she’s used to getting her picture taken. She was utterly unprepared for such an intrusive photographer.

Paris Hilton has made every effort to keep her talent-free face in magazines and gossip rags since she could toddle to the bar with her sister, and all that hard work is just now starting to pay off. I mean, she must have had a million messages on her cellular phone yesterday, encouraging her venture into pornography, since her number was being passed around friendster like a hot potato.

Why all the fuss over an over-privileged, under-fed, blonde, alien-like girl? I’m not sure either, to tell the truth. Money buys all sorts of things, including couture clothing and fame.

Because she and her sister have neither discernable talent nor personal drive, I have to ask myself just what is the purpose of the Hilton sisters? Is it to remind us that you really can’t ever be too rich or too thin? Too blonde? Or too drunk and skanky while also being rich, thin, and blonde? Perhaps all those things.

What’s next for them? Aging disgracefully? Doing a spread in the Most Tasteful of Poon Rags, Playboy? (tm Neo). Producing bad reality TV that keeps her front and center? At any rate, I’m afraid we’ve not seen the last of her vagina.