A disturbing, sheepish trend is sweeping across the streets of America—-the car as personal and political billboard. That’s right, patriotic car decorations have become the new TrapperKeeper as a way of expressing one’s self by means of pre-fabricated, marketed stickers, flags, and -Beek help me- giant ribbon-shaped magnets, that you simply must have.
Or else you’re an unpatriotic asshole!
But hey, at least the ribbon magnets seem to be replacing the window flags. Nothing irritates me more than seeing a tattered American flag that has flown off some jerk’s car on the side of the road. Way to be a patriot! Destroy a flag AND litter! No big deal, though. Soon enough a team of inmates from the state prison will be along on clean-up detail to pick it up. Now that’s America, baby.
It’s bad enough that the wave of Support Bracelets (LiveStrong, Fight Breast Cancer, Support our Troops!) is sweeping across the White people like a new Macarena, but at least the money for those silly things actually goes toward the thing they say they are supporting, in theory anyway.
Did the $4.50 you spent on that hideous ribbon magnet go to the troops? No, it went to a company they had those things Made in China, baby. (But I suppose that is patriotism in a pure form though, isn’t it?)
Two more positives to the bracelets over the car magnets bear mentioning. First, they’re small and unobtrusive. I don’t have to stare at it in gridlock traffic for forty-five minutes a day, so there’s an upside there. Second, you have to WEAR them on your body. This means that if someone has a problem with them or just questions about them, YOU are right there and present in the moment. Discourse can happen.
With the car decorations, another more insidious form of patriotism arises… Isolation and smug passive-aggression. Americans feel secure and isolated in their cars. Anyone who’s ever stumbled upon a Picker at a light knows this for fact. When someone places one of these items upon their car, they aren’t just expressing an opinion; they’re putting it in your face and you can’t argue. My way or the highway, so to speak.
Plus, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but the ribbons don’t say, “I support our troops.” They say “Support Our Troops” making it a direct command.
To YOU, Blue-stater!
